Mh check in

When you feel like screaming because the problem is too big for you to handle. And then you pan back and think it’ll be okay in the morning. It’s okay it’s only temporary

My Proust Questionaire

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being carefree and unleashed no need to worry about money or social anxiety. 
2.What is your greatest fear?
Not achieving my potential. Whatever that means. ‘Has potential’ being on so many of my school report cards.
3.What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
That I protest so much about something but then don’t always act on what I say
4.What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of openness or stubbornness. This usually means people don’t think are ineffective in making change.
5.Which living person do you most admire?
Olly Alexander. 
6.What is your greatest extravagance?
Dining out and theatre. One summer I spent £800+ on a trip to the Edinburgh fringe that didn’t last a week.
7.What is your current state of mind?
Confused  meaning: unsure what the next steps are, scared, intrigued and frustrated. Though when I talk to Helena about this I realise how ridiculous I am in thinking this. I.e. I am always in this thinking space.
8.What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Compliance and perfectionism. We need more bold leaders in this world so we don’t just go along with the norm.
9.On what occasion do you lie?
When I go to the gum clinic appointment.
10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Probably my ears. They were so big when I was a kid. I have sort of grown into them, according to my housemate.
11. Which living person do you most despise?
Donald Trump.
12.What is the quality you most like in a man?
The ability to be emotionally open.
13.What is the quality you most like in a woman?
The ability to not take herself too seriously.
14.Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
'See you in a bit’. My generic goodbye phrase.
15.What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Cheese. Me in a cheese shop is heaven/Valentines day.
16.When and where were you happiest?
Coaching Selp (Landmark’s self expression and leadership programme) with Brent. Felt so free and liberated. There was a real care for everyone and openess that I haven’t experienced anywhere else.
17.Which talent would you most like to have?
Playing piano. I use to learn keyboard but now I can only play one hand.
18.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
To be less socially awkward. It would make parties a lot easier.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Going from intern to manager in 2 months at Bathtub 2 Boardroom.
20.If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A cat - sleep, eat, be silly, star in viral videos.
21.Where would you most like to live?
New Zealand. That landscape.
22.What is your most treasured possession?
My Mac laptop :)
23.What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Not having a reason to live anymore.
24.What is your favourite occupation?
I love exploring new books, shops, locations. The ideas the new places excite me and give me a buzz.
25.What is your most marked characteristic?
Really quiet then really loud.
26.What do you most value in your friends?
Honesty and openness
27.Who are your favourite writers?
Christopher Isherwood, Oliver Sacks & Alain de Boton, ( all white English men:/)
28.Who is your hero of fiction?
Perfume main character, wound man,
29.Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Kasper Hauser
30.Who are your heroes in real life?
My Mum and Eureka
31.What are your favourite names?
India, Nico and Casper. My choice kids names.
32.What is it that you most dislike?
Being unproductive
33.What is your greatest regret?
Not going to drama school.
34.How would you like to die?
Eating cheese and drinking port
35.What is your motto?
Be the change you want to see

This is what this group is for. We are here to support each other

What if you had no parents? You might think at first, at least I don’t have to have those awkward family lunch’s and wear those terrible Xmas jumpers. But what about the emotional and financial support they gave you, the unconditional love, the life lessons, the constant base to go back to. If you were made redundant tomorrow and fell on hard times your parents might help you by talking through things or maybe give financial support, or have a space to stay.

This is one of the questions Helena and I grapple with every Tuesday for the last 9 months when we go to a care leavers group in Essex to volunteer. The group is for young adults 18-22 that are leaving or have left the UK social care system in the next year or two.  In our response to the question, we know our lives would be irreversibly changed, and we can’t fathom exactly how but without our parents support things would have been a lot harder .

In the group we sometimes facilitate sessions; playing drama games, opening up questions about mental health and basic project management techniques etc. It was our first time facilitating to groups and we had planned extensively, Helena and I both being strong critical thinkers and in some part risk averse.  We tried to ensure that the young people had a say in activities and ways of feeding back, and for the most part they enjoyed what we were delivering. But going back to our original aim of opening up their world views, helping them create their career path and gain independence, we were failing at making much headway. 

I became increasingly frustrated about the group for a two months, thinking we haven’t made a difference, we haven’t delivered any meaningful input or lasting change for these young people. We had three hours on a Tuesday to change lives, and the idea of making any meaningful impact felt impossible.

Recently however there have been a number of instances that has led me to believe the group is the thing that is needed.   A few weeks ago one of the girls came to me and said “I’m sorry for dragging the conversation down” and gave me a hug. “Don’t be silly” I said ”if you need to talk about your friend, you need to talk about your friend. Let it out”  “Yeah, I always ring ‘Tom’ on the phone when I’m feeling down” One of the boys says. “You and I always ring each other and cry down the phone to each other”  The other boy adds “This is what this group is for. We are here to support each other”.

The last two months I’ve got another glimpse of being in the care system.  “We are monitored on CCTV. Our actions noted down. ‘Fred has woken up.’ ‘Fred has gone to the bathroom.’ Anything we say is then reported on. Then we get moved to different houses, random locations without our say.” “When we go into school it takes people a week to find out that I’m a care leaver.  we get the special treatment. We get reported on and assessed regularly by people coming into the college. Someone rang me up the other week asking why have you got a new bag from your bursary. Why is it any of their business how I spend my money?” (Paraphrased from ‘Fred’ and ‘Andra’)

It really angers me to hear this is how they have been treated in the care system. Took from their family because they have suffered abuse or neglect to suffer psychological abuse and/or neglect by their ‘corporate parent’. Unable to form lasting bonds because they have been moved around foster families and homes in various locations. Monitored to the extent that self harming and running away is common to feel more in control. They are often adverse to talking to more services for more control and having special treatment as they are ‘in care’.  

Coming into the space we were asking them for feedback and wanting to make profound change to their lives. When they have hardly been listened to and pretty fed up of people making promises they didn’t keep and meddling in every aspect of their lives. No wonder they find a space where they aren’t judged for who they are and what they have done valuable. It feels like the issue is rather they need space to breathe rather than inspiration. Their feedback is often that they would like the group two or three times a week and their care council is currently recommending that they should have a permanent space that is unfocused and  gives them a space to go to.

Sadly drop-in sessions are not in vogue for various reasons but mostly because it is difficult to track outcomes. From my limited knowledge this pressure on the care leavers has probably come from the ‘overworked’ social care team who have been set outcomes that they are unsure how to successfully achieve. They then set up meetings, monitoring systems and become very risk averse due to tight budgets and pressures to meet said outcomes.  The outcomes themselves will be something around jobs and education and almost never decided together with the young person.

My argument would be if they were given ways of exploring options, giving a stake in these decisions which ultimately affects how people support them and are measured in their roles. The positive outcomes would be vastly increased.  This however would mean the structure of the care system would be ground up rather than top down.  Though it also relies on support staff being given enough time, training in power dynamics and the ability to share the decision making process to ensure the outcomes that are measured are suitable.

How we can ensure that outcomes are not just top down but really work with people to understand what they want rather than what we think would be best for them. I am really interested in any research or strategies to ensure that a human element of stats are though about.  If anyone has any links please let me know. 

The Happy Newspaper